Big Fat Stupid Ugly Breast Cancer

I’m a tough cookie, ask anyone that knows me. I am very optimistic and tenacious. I get shit done, I’m a problem solver and I move fast to find answers. I have continued to work my job through this whole process because if I stop working, I start to think, and I go down dark paths.  Work has been a welcomed distraction. During the day I stay busy. I’m either working (from home) or I find projects to keep me busy. I didn’t tell many people what I was going through at the beginning which I’m grateful for because that means I had less people texting or calling me to ask how things are going or if I had any updates. I know they meant well and were showing me love and support. Relaying the same info “I don’t know. I don’t have a plan. This is what I found on Google…” reminded me I have no control. I have cancer, I have no idea what is happening and I have no plan. Now repeat those non-answers to 6 people per day. It doesn’t put you in a good mindset. At night, after work is over, if I’m wat

Wed 11/22 Surgery follow up Pathology report said all surrounding tissue was clean, no cancer meaning they got all the tumor out.  I stopped the surgeon right there “Tumor?! There was a tumor?!” He informed me that the “mass” once it has cancer is referred to as a tumor. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop “It’s not a tumor” was running through my head, except I swapped “‘not’ for ‘is’”. Incision is healing nicely, now let’s talk about the diagnosis. The surgeon informed me that I caught this early and if I had waited even 3-6 months we would be having a different conversation.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma starts inside the ductal tubes, which drain to the lymph nodes in the armpit. Because we didn’t know this was cancer during the lumpectomy, we didn’t do a lymph node dissection at that time. So first hurdle….Did it spread before we got it out? Step 1: Lymph node dissection scheduled. I called the surgery office after I got home and asked to be put on the waitlist for any cancella

 I have only involved my family and a few close friends in my cancer journey. I’ve found the more people that know, the more people I have to update when I have info. Or even worse, reply to texts asking if I have updates when I don’t. I have never had anyone tell me they have cancer, so even I would not have been sure how to react if someone had shared there diagnosis with me. Now that I’m on the other side, I wanted to share what I have learned. When someone tells you they have cancer, the following responses are perfectly acceptable: That sucks. I’m so sorry. Oh shit, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m so sorry, thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t imagine what you have been through, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Thank you for telling me, I am here for you Let me know if you need anything You can use any of the above in whole or in part. Showing empathy and appreciation for them looping you in. Trust me, it is hard to loop in people, especially befor

I didn’t tell anyone about my diagnosis. I didn’t have answers to their question and I didn’t want to be known as the person with Breast Cancer. Every person that has told me they have cancer, I remember them. I don’t want to be known for my diagnosis, I am so much more. I don’t feel any different. I’m not sick and nothing hurts. I don’t want to wear a label.  My mindset was “Let me see how this plays out, what stage it is and get a plan before I go waving my ‘cancer flag’”. Once this is over I plan on posting this blog for others to read my journey and hopefully help them through their own journeys. I didn’t have anyone that had been through this and it was scary.

Monday November 20, 2023 will be a day I remember forever. One of the times I refreshed the app, I see the following:  Carcinoma….shit just got real. I had a million questions in my head. I was FREAKING out. I saw the results on the app, no one had called me, they probably haven’t even seen the results yet! Who do I call? My primary doctor? The surgeon? The Radiologist? I’ve seen so many people in the past 2 weeks I don’t know what to do. I was a deer caught in headlights not knowing which way to run for safety. I texted my primary care nurse and she had my doctor call me. He was very empathetic about the results, the situation on finding out and helped guide me to the right doctor, I needed to talk to the surgeon. I called the surgeon’s office and said I had a follow up on Friday 11/24 but could I come in sooner because I just saw on the app that the mass they removed was cancerous. She said she would talk to the higher ups and called me back with a Wednesday 11/22 appointment. I got

11/13 When the results posted that same day and said “Pending outside consultation” I was both excited and concerned. No mention of cancer, that’s good, but the“outside consultation” concerned me. My mind jumped to “If it was nothing they wouldn’t have sent it out.” “Maybe they are being thorough and making sure they didn’t miss anything” and again, more waiting and more refreshing of the app. The waiting for results has been the hardest part. I’ve been on top of scheduling everything as fast as I could, getting on wait lists, driving to other hospitals but it’s the loss of control that got me. The only thing I can control in this situation is my availability and willingness to jump over any hurdles in my way. My mind was on my grandma and her journey and it took a lot to keep my mind from wandering. What if? What next? Then what?

10/27 the results came back, Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia, and I begin Googling like a crazy person. Okay, not cancer, pre-cancer at most. Concerning, but not cancer. 11/1 Surgery consult for a lumpectomy. Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia is not cancer, but it could become cancer so it’s best to get the mass out, run a pathology on it and find out what we are dealing with. 11/13 Lumpectomy surgery. Modern medicine is amazing. I had to go back to the mammalogy office and get 2 radioactive seeds placed so my surgeon could use equipment to show him where to start/stop so he gets the whole mass out. So after the seeds were placed, they took me to the operating room. Surgery went well, and we drove home. I was told results would be in 4-5 days but again, I was refreshing my app every few hours trying to keep my mind from wandering down dark paths.