Diagnosis

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Monday November 20, 2023 will be a day I remember forever. One of the times I refreshed the app, I see the following:


 Carcinoma….shit just got real.

I had a million questions in my head. I was FREAKING out. I saw the results on the app, no one had called me, they probably haven’t even seen the results yet! Who do I call? My primary doctor? The surgeon? The Radiologist? I’ve seen so many people in the past 2 weeks I don’t know what to do. I was a deer caught in headlights not knowing which way to run for safety.

I texted my primary care nurse and she had my doctor call me. He was very empathetic about the results, the situation on finding out and helped guide me to the right doctor, I needed to talk to the surgeon.

I called the surgeon’s office and said I had a follow up on Friday 11/24 but could I come in sooner because I just saw on the app that the mass they removed was cancerous. She said she would talk to the higher ups and called me back with a Wednesday 11/22 appointment.

I got myself in as fast as I could, it was the week of Thanksgiving so time was limited, I was grateful for a few days sooner. I canceled my evening events for the rest of the week and I didn’t sleep much Monday - Wednesday. It was hard to keep my mind out of dark places. I was waking up in the middle of the night with my mind racing. My “get shit done” was kicking in at 2am and I was googling answers to questions I had. Even sleeping pills were not lasting through the night. I was sobbing in the middle of the night trying to consult myself so I wasn’t an inconvenience to anyone in my family. The small group of family and friends with me on this journey were trying to be positive but this journey had been nothing but downhill since we started. 

Abnormal mammo “It’s probably nothing, we just have to check”

Diagnostic Imaging “It’s probably nothing, but we should make sure with a needle biopsy”

Needle Biopsy “80% of the time it’s nothing”

Lumpectomy “The chances are slim”

CARCINMOA

I had control over NOTHING. I needed to be realistic and I needed a plan. I know we caught it super early, I know medicine has advanced in the 28 years since my grandma passed, I know I need to think positive but I also need to know the dark side. My mind races there looking for answers and everyone wants to focus on the light. I wish people understood at this time that it’s what I don’t know about the shadows that is scary. I can’t be afraid of the shadows if I know what is there. It’s like a little kid being scared of the dark, turning the lights on only avoids the problem. Show them there is nothing under the bed with the lights off, THAT will teach them that they know what is there so they can make up their own mind to be scared or not.

I was looking forward to meeting with the surgeon on Wednesday to get real and talk about the whole spectrum, I can take it. Let’s get a plan and get moving!

 


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