How to reply to when someone tells you they have cancer

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 I have only involved my family and a few close friends in my cancer journey. I’ve found the more people that know, the more people I have to update when I have info. Or even worse, reply to texts asking if I have updates when I don’t.

I have never had anyone tell me they have cancer, so even I would not have been sure how to react if someone had shared there diagnosis with me. Now that I’m on the other side, I wanted to share what I have learned.

When someone tells you they have cancer, the following responses are perfectly acceptable:

  • That sucks. I’m so sorry.
  • Oh shit, I’m sorry. 
  • I’m so sorry to hear that.
  • I’m so sorry, thank you for sharing that with me.
  • I can’t imagine what you have been through, I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
  • Thank you for telling me, I am here for you
  • Let me know if you need anything

You can use any of the above in whole or in part. Showing empathy and appreciation for them looping you in. Trust me, it is hard to loop in people, especially before you have a treatment plan or answers. If they are looping you in, they feel supported by you, they feel loved by you and know that you will not see a scarlet word “cancer” sign on them when you see them.

When someone tells you they have cancer, the following responses are NEVER acceptable:

  • I feel so sorry for you.
That’s it. Any form of “I feel sorry for you” is NEVER okay. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I need you to support me. I need you to be there when I have an emotional breakdown. I need to you to help me cover work shifts, or go to lunch, send me GIFs or Reels or ask me about future plans. I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. This is a shit situation and I’m gong to kick cancer’s ass. If you want to feel sorry for anyone, feel sorry for cancer. It messed with the wrong chick.









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