Big Fat Stupid Ugly Breast Cancer

  Happy Holidays! December 22nd marked my 1 year cancer free anniversary! We reenacted the picture from last year to celebrate.  I retired from my job January 28, 2024 and spent the next 6 months traveling and spending time with family. It was a great way to take in the “big picture” of life and appreciate the small things. If you know me, you know I can’t stay stagnant for long and at the end of June 2024 I got a new part time job as an event planner at the local university. It’s been a great job, very flexible and challenging. Follow up mammogram April 2nd was clear with recommendation to do a MRI in October and a diagnostic mammogram in April 2025, rotating MRI/Mammogram every 6 months. October MRI was clear, nothing to note, next mammogram will be April 2025. Tamoxifen has had very little side effects, the only noticeable one is I get hot when I sleep so I kick off covers to then be freezing and putt hem back on. I did this before, it’s just a little more extreme now. Not ...

  I have gone to all my radiation treatments alone thus far. I’ve had my sisters meet me at the hospital, but I’ve done the 45 min drive to the hospital alone. Today it is my last treatment, and my husband, Derek, was planning to come with me. We woke up, got ready to go, and I notice my 3 boys are up early (which if anyone has teenage boys can tell you, that does NOT happen). Derek and I get in the car and start to pull out of the driveway and out come my 3 boys! I start crying and tell them they don’t need to come but they assured me it was a big deal and they wanted to be there to support me. Once we arrived at the hospital, I went in for treatment and while I was back there, Derek and the boys changed into these breast cancer shirts. I came out of treatment to a wave of pink waiting for me! It was very emotional and some very kind volunteer was able to grab this photo outside the radiology lab. I feel like I was able to resolve this little “bump” in my story quickly and quite e...

I started my 5 days of  radiation treatments. The hospital has special “Cancer Patient” parking spots, it was surreal when I realized that I AM A CANCER PATIENT. I parked in the spot and walked inside. I was given a walkthrough of the treatment center when we initially met with the Radiology team so I knew where to go, but checked in at the front desk anyway because it was awkward to walk through the double doors like I owned the place. I went back to the waiting area and stepped into the changing room.  In the changing room I changed into the hospital gown on top, looked in the mirror and had a moment. “I can’t believe I’m here. I’m about to be zapped with radiation. What if this doesn’t work? What if I have to do all this shit all over again?” I texted my sister who was in the waiting room that I was freaking out. Magically that helped and I regained myself enough to walk out to the area and wait to be called back. The treatment was fast and painless, I now need to repeat it...

The hardest thing about this journey has been not being in control of anything. I couldn’t control getting answers when I wanted, I couldn’t control the diagnosis or the outcome. The only thing I could control was getting appointments faster, driving to different hospitals if possible and getting on waitlists for surgeries. Once all surgeries were complete and the genetics test results were back, we were just waiting on the specialist appointments. My Oncologist Nurse Navigator was amazing and schedule me with Radiology and Oncology the same day as my surgery follow up so I only had to drive in once. The surgeon said the incision was healing great. We had about an hour to go get lunch then game back to Radiology Oncology where we finally got a plan. Five days of radiation and a few follow ups appointments. Going forward we are alternating a mammogram and MRI every 6 months. This was a relief to me. One of the biggest things in the back of my mind was waiting 12 months to make sure noth...

 My surgeon called me today….let me emphasize HE called me. Not his PA, not the front desk…HE called me. That meant the world to me. He wanted to make sure I saw that the lymph node pathology came back NEGATIVE in all lymph nodes removed! And the genetics test came back negative in all 48 tests including BRCA1&2. Next steps: - Surgery follow up - Radiology consult - Oncology consult I’m hoping to get more info and figure out my options. I want to get advice from these experts but also be realistic. Will this weigh on my mind for the rest of my life? What if it comes back? What if it comes back and I don’t catch it before it spreads? Can we prevent a lot of these “what if” if we literally remove the source? What is the plan for short and long term? Can I still travel later this month?  Trying to keep my mind occupied so I don’t go down dark paths. The negative test results were the first positive thing on this journey so I’m in a good place right now. Just waiting for Thurs...

I’m a tough cookie, ask anyone that knows me. I am very optimistic and tenacious. I get shit done, I’m a problem solver and I move fast to find answers. I have continued to work my job through this whole process because if I stop working, I start to think, and I go down dark paths.  Work has been a welcomed distraction. During the day I stay busy. I’m either working (from home) or I find projects to keep me busy. I didn’t tell many people what I was going through at the beginning which I’m grateful for because that means I had less people texting or calling me to ask how things are going or if I had any updates. I know they meant well and were showing me love and support. Relaying the same info “I don’t know. I don’t have a plan. This is what I found on Google…” reminded me I have no control. I have cancer, I have no idea what is happening and I have no plan. Now repeat those non-answers to 6 people per day. It doesn’t put you in a good mindset. At night, after work is over, if I’m...