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Radiation and Cancer Patient Parking

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I started my 5 days of  radiation treatments. The hospital has special “Cancer Patient” parking spots, it was surreal when I realized that I AM A CANCER PATIENT. I parked in the spot and walked inside. I was given a walkthrough of the treatment center when we initially met with the Radiology team so I knew where to go, but checked in at the front desk anyway because it was awkward to walk through the double doors like I owned the place. I went back to the waiting area and stepped into the changing room.  In the changing room I changed into the hospital gown on top, looked in the mirror and had a moment. “I can’t believe I’m here. I’m about to be zapped with radiation. What if this doesn’t work? What if I have to do all this shit all over again?” I texted my sister who was in the waiting room that I was freaking out. Magically that helped and I regained myself enough to walk out to the area and wait to be called back. The treatment was fast and painless, I now need to repeat it 4 more t
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“All we need is Michelle with a plan!” -Derek

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The hardest thing about this journey has been not being in control of anything. I couldn’t control getting answers when I wanted, I couldn’t control the diagnosis or the outcome. The only thing I could control was getting appointments faster, driving to different hospitals if possible and getting on waitlists for surgeries. Once all surgeries were complete and the genetics test results were back, we were just waiting on the specialist appointments. My Oncologist Nurse Navigator was amazing and schedule me with Radiology and Oncology the same day as my surgery follow up so I only had to drive in once. The surgeon said the incision was healing great. We had about an hour to go get lunch then game back to Radiology Oncology where we finally got a plan. Five days of radiation and a few follow ups appointments. Going forward we are alternating a mammogram and MRI every 6 months. This was a relief to me. One of the biggest things in the back of my mind was waiting 12 months to make sure noth
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Bedside Manner & More Results

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 My surgeon called me today….let me emphasize HE called me. Not his PA, not the front desk…HE called me. That meant the world to me. He wanted to make sure I saw that the lymph node pathology came back NEGATIVE in all lymph nodes removed! And the genetics test came back negative in all 48 tests including BRCA1&2. Next steps: - Surgery follow up - Radiology consult - Oncology consult I’m hoping to get more info and figure out my options. I want to get advice from these experts but also be realistic. Will this weigh on my mind for the rest of my life? What if it comes back? What if it comes back and I don’t catch it before it spreads? Can we prevent a lot of these “what if” if we literally remove the source? What is the plan for short and long term? Can I still travel later this month?  Trying to keep my mind occupied so I don’t go down dark paths. The negative test results were the first positive thing on this journey so I’m in a good place right now. Just waiting for Thursday.
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I only breakdown when it’s dark

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I’m a tough cookie, ask anyone that knows me. I am very optimistic and tenacious. I get shit done, I’m a problem solver and I move fast to find answers. I have continued to work my job through this whole process because if I stop working, I start to think, and I go down dark paths.  Work has been a welcomed distraction. During the day I stay busy. I’m either working (from home) or I find projects to keep me busy. I didn’t tell many people what I was going through at the beginning which I’m grateful for because that means I had less people texting or calling me to ask how things are going or if I had any updates. I know they meant well and were showing me love and support. Relaying the same info “I don’t know. I don’t have a plan. This is what I found on Google…” reminded me I have no control. I have cancer, I have no idea what is happening and I have no plan. Now repeat those non-answers to 6 people per day. It doesn’t put you in a good mindset. At night, after work is over, if I’m wat
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The Plan; Step 1 & 2

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Wed 11/22 Surgery follow up Pathology report said all surrounding tissue was clean, no cancer meaning they got all the tumor out.  I stopped the surgeon right there “Tumor?! There was a tumor?!” He informed me that the “mass” once it has cancer is referred to as a tumor. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop “It’s not a tumor” was running through my head, except I swapped “‘not’ for ‘is’”. Incision is healing nicely, now let’s talk about the diagnosis. The surgeon informed me that I caught this early and if I had waited even 3-6 months we would be having a different conversation.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma starts inside the ductal tubes, which drain to the lymph nodes in the armpit. Because we didn’t know this was cancer during the lumpectomy, we didn’t do a lymph node dissection at that time. So first hurdle….Did it spread before we got it out? Step 1: Lymph node dissection scheduled. I called the surgery office after I got home and asked to be put on the waitlist for any cancella
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How to reply to when someone tells you they have cancer

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 I have only involved my family and a few close friends in my cancer journey. I’ve found the more people that know, the more people I have to update when I have info. Or even worse, reply to texts asking if I have updates when I don’t. I have never had anyone tell me they have cancer, so even I would not have been sure how to react if someone had shared there diagnosis with me. Now that I’m on the other side, I wanted to share what I have learned. When someone tells you they have cancer, the following responses are perfectly acceptable: That sucks. I’m so sorry. Oh shit, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m so sorry, thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t imagine what you have been through, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Thank you for telling me, I am here for you Let me know if you need anything You can use any of the above in whole or in part. Showing empathy and appreciation for them looping you in. Trust me, it is hard to loop in people, especially befor
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I Don’t Want to be a Cancer Poster Child

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I didn’t tell anyone about my diagnosis. I didn’t have answers to their question and I didn’t want to be known as the person with Breast Cancer. Every person that has told me they have cancer, I remember them. I don’t want to be known for my diagnosis, I am so much more. I don’t feel any different. I’m not sick and nothing hurts. I don’t want to wear a label.  My mindset was “Let me see how this plays out, what stage it is and get a plan before I go waving my ‘cancer flag’”. Once this is over I plan on posting this blog for others to read my journey and hopefully help them through their own journeys. I didn’t have anyone that had been through this and it was scary.
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